i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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