I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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