Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
