how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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