I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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