The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
