Say something about gay babies.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
