More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
