More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Randomize
