That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
