Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
