Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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