Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
