I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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