there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
