i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just found a bag of teeth...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
