Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
