Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
