so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
