I think scott just propositioned me for sex
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
