dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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