i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
