Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
