you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
