Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
