sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
