i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
