it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
