I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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