drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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