my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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