I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
