Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
