First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
