i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
