Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
