Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
