the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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