I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
