The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
