We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
