whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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