is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
