Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
