if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
