I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
