We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
