Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Did I show you my penis last night?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
