There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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