All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
