I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
