I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
