Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
