we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
