Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
