The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
