some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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