i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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